CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS!

Christmas day is awesome, I'll just put that out there. I couldn't fall asleep till like 3.00 because I was so excited and then I rolled out of bed around 8.20 and woke Curt up. (Shocking I know, I never wake up before Curtis) I got most of what I wanted, I'll be annoying and post a list of everything

• Black Converse 
• Boots
• iPod Dock (though I think we may have to return that because it doesn't have  a wall adapter)
• Pocket Watch Locket (by far my favorite gift.
• Stockig Stuffers that I'm not gonna bother to list. 
• Awesome Leather Gloves (I'm calling them my driving gloves)
• Shiny Silver Wallet

I love the pocket watch, it's so pretty and not super huge and antique looking. This lady in Australia hand makes them and it's just perfect. Here are some of the pictures of it from her site.

<----- Front of the locket

Inside of the locket and the watch face---->

<---- The back of the locket

It's the same color and like I said not that big at all. I love it to death!!

Here is a link to her Etsy shop, she has so many beautiful pieces for sale, I wish I could buy them all. I love Etsy, it houses so many creative people and the things they can make astound me! They also sell tons of vintage things, I spend hours just looking through things and wishing I had a disposable income :)

2.30 Blogging

Yes I'm well aware that it's 2.30 in the morning but I can't sleep and I figured I'd pass the time by posting and listen to some Lady Gaga. I'm not always into her but tonight felt like a good time to listen to her. Christmas is tomorrow I suppose. Though to me it feels like Wednesday hasn't ended yet. I can't wait to see what I get for Christmas. It's a little surreal knowing that this is my last Christmas living at home. I'm sure I'll come home next year over break, but I won't be living in the same house as my dad and Curtis. At least I hope not. I need to get out of here sooner rather then later. I need to fill out my application for SUU but none of the printers in my house work so there goes printing it out and filling it out. Bleh why can't they just assume I want to go to their school and just give me a place. Ah well, if wishes were fishes.....

So I know the movie is almost 4 years old or so but I love the Marie Antoinette soundtrack, it's just AWESOME! I usually don't listen to any of the artists on the soundtrack, just because I've never been exposed to most of them. The Strokes song is great as are all the ones by Bow Wow Wow, especially
Aphrodisiac. Every time that song come up on my shuffle I feel like dancing, however I'm too much of an introvert and wouldn't dream of actually doing so, at least, not while there were any witnesses. Ah this album always made me remember how much I loved New Order. Adam Ant is on here as well and I've tried to get into some of his stuff but I've had a hard time of it. I do like the drum line on Kings of the Wild Frontier though.

Hmm, guess I'm not really in a Lady Gaga mood anymore :)

Why Christmas Isn't Always So Merry.

I can't seem to shake this feeling of depression that's been hanging over my head lately. I don't know if it's the fact that term is ending and I'm stressing about that, if it's my pretty nonexistent social life, or that it's the holiday season again. Maybe a combination of all of them, I just hate feeling so good for a while then just wanting to drop it all and move far far far away.

Grades were due today so there really isn't much I can do to change what I have now. I just hope I'll be okay. School feels like such a challenge sometimes, especially math and physics. I'm so terrified that I won't be able to handle college, I don't want to be a drop out. Christmas break really couldn't come at a better time, I feel like if I don't get a break soon my brain will implode.

Christmas is hard. It's a hell of a lot easier then it was 3 years ago but it's still a little sad and melancholy. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, I love the sights and smells and sounds. I love being close to my family and friends who care about and love me. I just wish my family felt complete. I mean I miss my mom, of course, and around the holidays it's hard know that she won't be here for yet another one and never will be again, but now it's more like I miss feeling like a whole family. You know, mom, dad, sister, brother. Curt, Dad, and I are a family I know that, and we're close but it always feels like we're missing some key element and it bugs me. It's not even that I want my mom back (don't get me wrong, I love her and always will, but I've learned to live without her and I can see how things in my life really wouldn't change if she was here so it's no use wishing) it's that I want somebody to care about me like a parent does. Dad cares, he cares a lot and I love him for that but I want to be selfish and have two people care for me like that. I don't think I'll ever get that though, I should be happy with the parent I still have (and I really am blessed that dad is here for me) but I just want what my friends have. I want a mom, because apparently I don't get my real one. I know I'm almost 18 and I'll be leaving soon but I think that no matter how old you get, some part of you always wants your mom, or somebody to care for you like your mother did. Okay, now it's time to put my abandonment issues back into their little box.

Nothing Gets Crossed Out

That's pretty much the story of my life. I have all these goals and tasks to do and I never can seem to get them done. The list gets longer and longer. Thank goodness Christmas is almost here, I can't wait! Thanksgiving was fun, I ate way too much BBQ'd turkey and yams, had a great time at Samantha's, and had a nice break. I'm ready for Christmas though, it's weird to think that this is my last holiday season at home. I mean I'll come home for Christmas and stuff but I won't actually be living with my family anymore. I wonder what that'll be like. 

I drove to school today for the first time in like two weeks. It started snowing, and heavily, around then and I do not drive in the snow or ice. Today I finally braved the roads (seeing as they were all pretty much clear and dry) and things were fine. It was my first time driving the new BMW and it seemed to handle great. All that changed when I got into the school parking lot. The thing is covered in ice, like a skating rink. I was so scared, my back end kept sliding around and I had no idea how to put the 4-wheel drive on. It took me forever to park and I was so freaked out. I made it though thank heaven and didn't kill myself or any one around me. 

Speaking of all the ice, it is a terrible, terrible thing. I've already had my first fall of the winter. This happened Saturday when I was up at my aunt Natée's and my uncle Dan's house. Just as my dad and I are leaving, I start walking down their steps and fall flat on my butt. It hurt so friggin bad! I thought I was safe for a while though. I mean get the first slip out of the way and there is no way gravity will be so cruel as to let you fall three days later. Well let me tell you, gravity is a bitch. I was walking to seminary today, minding my own business, and next thing I know I'm on the ground on top of this huge slab of ice. I should sue the school for not properly removing snow and ice. The whole back side of the school and all the portable's are covered. If they expect us to have class out there they need to make it SAFE! Heating the stupid buildings (with more then one little space heater) would be awesome to. 

My jacket smells like fried foods. We went to Chile's tonight after Curt's choir concert. It was pretty tasty, but this huge group next to us had these obnoxious guys that would not shut up. 

I need to figure out what classes to take next semester. I want to try and get my CNA but I need to figure out if I can drop some classes so I can actually take the CNA course. Blah I'm tired and I need to get up at like 5.30 for a seminary morning side.